The 27-year-old asked ‘interested parents’ to inbox her since taking a 60-year-old odiero of a guka to meet her real parents was out of the question. She was looking for those bending their 40s or thereabouts for the ‘contract.’ A PR practitioner in Nairobi discovered he was being taken for a long ride when he was Sh500,000 short and four years of his life had been wasted by his Ugandan live-in girlfriend and whose university education he was paying for in a campus in Nairobi.
She was a gold-digger as they come, having even hired parents and fake relatives when he went to pay bride price in Jinja, Uganda. Allan Githua who was supposed to be the bestman during their nuptials, told us that, “It was a beautiful ceremony and we actually envied our boy for his loving and understanding relatives. They didn’t even negotiate the bride price. They took the Sh500,000 since he had also offered to educated her.” But when the ceremony was over, the woman remained as custom demanded. She was to join him later. The bride to be never left Jinja. Her phone went off and Githua’s distraught groom to be returned to Jinja, only to be told the homestead had been hired, including the chickens, goats, cows and dogs!
The distraught groom was told that the girl came from Gulu, 390km away in northern Uganda and “he is still traumatised and has never trusted another woman ever since.” That is clearly what Naija movies are made of.
The above might sound like an isolated case, but down in the land of ‘Uncle Bob,’ a 25-year-old woman’s wedding was called off after she hired strangers to receive her lobola (bride price) from the married man she was having an affair with.
Purity Mazvita Mtazu allegedly engaged her friends to receive her bride price from her ‘sponsor,’ Kufakunesu Chirenje ahead of her August wedding. Chirenje was introduced to Purity’s several friends, including one who played two roles of uncle and brother to his would-be bride. Chirenje eyes opened (wide) after he was asked to deposit the lobola into the friend’s bank account. The money was said to be meant for his mother-in-law. Chirenje lost the equivalent of Sh150,000 after he was forced to pay whatever he had since Purity claimed she was pregnant and her parents were fuming over it. So, why are women hiring parents?
While some like Purity from Zimbabwe are just greedy, others like the Kenyan chick who placed the advert on Facebook, are just embarrassed for dating ‘elders’ who got serious and insisted on meeting their folk for bride price negotiations. Others get embarrassed for dating a physically-challenged lover and coupled with fear of rejection, opt to hire parents.
Jane Njeri has kept such a secret from her fiancé of two years. She’s sure her family would thumb their noses at their union due to that small matter of Luo men and the ‘cut.’
I asked my Mama Mboga to get me a few of her friends. My husband thinks that some random construction guys and market women are my relatives. I don’t know how long this will last, but I hope when he finds out, he will understand,” explained Jane whose boyfriend provided Sh50,000 to transport the ‘relatives’. Others are embarrassed after lying about their home areas, like an upcoming showbiz personality who told her fiancé that she was born and bred in Lavington, Nairobi. Yet, she is from a village in Kiambu where she still lives with her struggling parents. But the fiancé who is not in the know, still drops her in leafy Lavington after a night out and from where she takes a taxi to Kiambu!
It is not just men who have commitment phobias. But unlike men whose fear of commitment are out of reluctance to give up their freedom, for most women, it’s out of heartaches from previous relationships. Others spring from bad family experiences like divorce, childhood abuse and even how men are stereotyped. Such a woman can become emotionally detached such that when a loaded dude comes calling, she has no qualms hiring parents to separate him from his cash.
James Omolo once lived with a woman who swindled him in full knowledge the whole charade was going nowhere. “She had introduced me to a nurse who worked in a nearby dispensary as her mother. Every Friday, I would take some shopping and pocket money to her because I really loved her ‘daughter.’ I only found out when they disagreed and started fighting and the fake mother exposed her,” James who broke up with the girl immediately, confided.
Some cultures frown at couples from different backgrounds getting engaged, especially communities with strong tribal and religious affiliations. Anthony Munyasia who is in telecommunications met Sonia six months ago through their respective jobs, and moved in together two months ago. But there was a problem. Munyasia is from Kambaland, Sonia is Indian. Everything was working out just fine until one day, a delegation of people showed up at his door
“She didn’t talk much about her family. She told me she was an only child and that her parents lived in India and even showed me pictures. She was a really outgoing woman who wasn’t spoilt or high-maintenance,” says Munyasia, adding that everything was working out just fine until a delegation showed up at their door. It was Sonia’s relatives from Parklands, Nairobi who caused a storm over her secretive affair and even accused him of kidnapping their daughter, yet he lived in her house.
“I don’t know who the people in the photos were because they did not resemble her parents,” he said
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