CONSEQUENCE OF SLEEPING IN CHURCH
Showing posts with label Joke Quotes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Joke Quotes. Show all posts
Saturday, July 23, 2016
Drunkmens
Who among these 3 drunkards is more
drunk?
xxxxxxxxxx😄😀xxxxx.
*1..after drinking he* *went inside the hotel's** *rest room to urinate and on entering**the* *toilet*, he* *saw the reflection of* *himself on the mirror* *and shouted* *"Oh,*
*sorry, somebody is*
*even here".*
*OR*
*2..After drinking, he got up and started searching for his phone all around. He puts on the phones' torch light* *(the one*
*he is looking for) to enable him look for the phone and in the* *process the same phone rang, he picked* *up and answered* *"please call me back,* *I'm looking for my*
*phone "* good evening all
*OR*
*3. After drinking, he entered his car and drove off, on*
*getting to the major road, he saw Dangote's trailer that has been there for three years, he quietly went and park behind the trailer, after three hours, he started shouting*
*"what kind of Go slow is this sef!"...thinking he was in a traffic jam.* 😜😜😜😜😜.
drunk?
xxxxxxxxxx😄😀xxxxx.
*1..after drinking he* *went inside the hotel's** *rest room to urinate and on entering**the* *toilet*, he* *saw the reflection of* *himself on the mirror* *and shouted* *"Oh,*
*sorry, somebody is*
*even here".*
*OR*
*2..After drinking, he got up and started searching for his phone all around. He puts on the phones' torch light* *(the one*
*he is looking for) to enable him look for the phone and in the* *process the same phone rang, he picked* *up and answered* *"please call me back,* *I'm looking for my*
*phone "* good evening all
*OR*
*3. After drinking, he entered his car and drove off, on*
*getting to the major road, he saw Dangote's trailer that has been there for three years, he quietly went and park behind the trailer, after three hours, he started shouting*
*"what kind of Go slow is this sef!"...thinking he was in a traffic jam.* 😜😜😜😜😜.
Madness
A pilot was told to transfer mad people from a city to another city. He agreed and carried them in his plane.
Every place was so noisy.
During the flight, one of the mad men approached the pilot and said "pls can you teach me how to fly the aeroplane"?
The pilot replied, I will teach you how to fly if you will tell your friends to stop making noise (knowing that he can't do it).
The mad man went back to the cabin. After some minutes, every where was silent as if an angel entered the plane.
The mad man came back and told the pilot that everywhere was cool now.
The pilot became happy and asked "what did you do to them that made them to keep calm."
The mad man replied, "I opened the door for them to go and play outside."
The pilot fainted.
😃😄😄 Laugh it off
Every place was so noisy.
During the flight, one of the mad men approached the pilot and said "pls can you teach me how to fly the aeroplane"?
The pilot replied, I will teach you how to fly if you will tell your friends to stop making noise (knowing that he can't do it).
The mad man went back to the cabin. After some minutes, every where was silent as if an angel entered the plane.
The mad man came back and told the pilot that everywhere was cool now.
The pilot became happy and asked "what did you do to them that made them to keep calm."
The mad man replied, "I opened the door for them to go and play outside."
The pilot fainted.
😃😄😄 Laugh it off
20 funny truths
1) When a guy open a car door for a girl,
is either the girl is new or the car is new.
(2) A guy asked u for sex and u asked,
"Do u Love me?". What do u expect him
to say, or Are U a LEARNER ?
(3) Half naked girls are hot,while well
dressed girls are beautiful. Hell is hot,
while heaven is beautiful. the choice is
yours.
(4)You have been engaged to him for 4
years and no wedding is forth coming.
Please kindly remove the ring. Is your
finger a key holder?
(5)You have slept with over 10 girls
without protection yet you go to the
barbers shop with your personal clipper.
What are you preventing?
(6) Guys always know who their heart
belongs to, so if you like cook chicken in
diamond sauce or do monkey style in
bed, if it's not you, it can't b u.
(7) In America wen a couple go to bed
dey say "Good nights my love" In Britain
"Sweet dreams darling" In Nigeria "Did u
lock d Gate, doors & windows?
(8) You cannot say "I can't date you, I
have a boyfriend" and be asking for
money from him. Gt-bank staff cannot
receive salary from UBA bank!
(9) My name is A'square, I used my friend
to set up my girlfriend to see if she'll
cheat on me. Now they've sent me
weeding Invitation. What AM I?
(A) Learner
(B)God sent
(C) Fool
(10) No Guy will ever tell a Lady "i ve a
Girlfriend" when asking her out. Their
National Anthem is "we had issues &
we've broken up".
(11) Welcome to Nigeria where the
government is responsible and blamed for
every damn things. if mosquito bite you,
you will blame the government.
(12) No guy is single,you either snatch
him from someone or share him with
someone, the most important thing is to
be the highest Shareholder.
(13) I woke up today,someone
somewhere just took their last breath.
Thank You God for blessing me more than
I deserve
(14) 35yr old first class graduate without
job and u dey follow Lil'Wayne sing 'I
Ain't Got no worries, your life is on SOS
(15) Idiot girl said: "I dated him for
GOOD 10 years and he broke my heart"
fool, what's GOOD in the years?
(16)(a)
Sex won't make him love u
(b) A baby won't make him stay. If you're
doubting me, kindly ask TUFACE
(17) No matter how nice you are to a
goat, it will still eat your yam.
18) You make his 'Dick' hard, u carry him
enter room, he don off shirt, then u shout
April Fool... My sister, he will RAPE ur
Destiny!
(19)What shall it profit a girl to have all
the Brazilian hair in the whole world and
still lose her boyfriend to a girl on low a
cut?
(20) Kill an American citizen and 1 million
policemen will be deployed to search for
u but kill 1 million Nigerians U will be
invited for amnesty
(21)Don't act like you have it all, even
rich men beg for pen in the bank.
(22) No matter how big ur house is,How
recent your car is,or how huge ur bank
account is, Our grave is still gonna be the
same size, stay humble.
(23)No Matter How Pretty Or Cute your
Face Might Be,you Will Still Be the Food
For Worms. Set your Arrogance Aside and
Remember 6 Feet. No one lives for Ever....
is either the girl is new or the car is new.
(2) A guy asked u for sex and u asked,
"Do u Love me?". What do u expect him
to say, or Are U a LEARNER ?
(3) Half naked girls are hot,while well
dressed girls are beautiful. Hell is hot,
while heaven is beautiful. the choice is
yours.
(4)You have been engaged to him for 4
years and no wedding is forth coming.
Please kindly remove the ring. Is your
finger a key holder?
(5)You have slept with over 10 girls
without protection yet you go to the
barbers shop with your personal clipper.
What are you preventing?
(6) Guys always know who their heart
belongs to, so if you like cook chicken in
diamond sauce or do monkey style in
bed, if it's not you, it can't b u.
(7) In America wen a couple go to bed
dey say "Good nights my love" In Britain
"Sweet dreams darling" In Nigeria "Did u
lock d Gate, doors & windows?
(8) You cannot say "I can't date you, I
have a boyfriend" and be asking for
money from him. Gt-bank staff cannot
receive salary from UBA bank!
(9) My name is A'square, I used my friend
to set up my girlfriend to see if she'll
cheat on me. Now they've sent me
weeding Invitation. What AM I?
(A) Learner
(B)God sent
(C) Fool
(10) No Guy will ever tell a Lady "i ve a
Girlfriend" when asking her out. Their
National Anthem is "we had issues &
we've broken up".
(11) Welcome to Nigeria where the
government is responsible and blamed for
every damn things. if mosquito bite you,
you will blame the government.
(12) No guy is single,you either snatch
him from someone or share him with
someone, the most important thing is to
be the highest Shareholder.
(13) I woke up today,someone
somewhere just took their last breath.
Thank You God for blessing me more than
I deserve
(14) 35yr old first class graduate without
job and u dey follow Lil'Wayne sing 'I
Ain't Got no worries, your life is on SOS
(15) Idiot girl said: "I dated him for
GOOD 10 years and he broke my heart"
fool, what's GOOD in the years?
(16)(a)
Sex won't make him love u
(b) A baby won't make him stay. If you're
doubting me, kindly ask TUFACE
(17) No matter how nice you are to a
goat, it will still eat your yam.
18) You make his 'Dick' hard, u carry him
enter room, he don off shirt, then u shout
April Fool... My sister, he will RAPE ur
Destiny!
(19)What shall it profit a girl to have all
the Brazilian hair in the whole world and
still lose her boyfriend to a girl on low a
cut?
(20) Kill an American citizen and 1 million
policemen will be deployed to search for
u but kill 1 million Nigerians U will be
invited for amnesty
(21)Don't act like you have it all, even
rich men beg for pen in the bank.
(22) No matter how big ur house is,How
recent your car is,or how huge ur bank
account is, Our grave is still gonna be the
same size, stay humble.
(23)No Matter How Pretty Or Cute your
Face Might Be,you Will Still Be the Food
For Worms. Set your Arrogance Aside and
Remember 6 Feet. No one lives for Ever....
Fake soldiers
I slapped a soldier today ............and he ran away. That's how I knew he was fake.
Please let's join hands and expose the fake soldiers in town.
How?
By Slapping them!
Please let's join hands and expose the fake soldiers in town.
How?
By Slapping them!
Be Wise
U saw him in a whatsapp group
•U check his dp.
•He Drives A Range Rover Sport 2015.
.He is handsome.
•he chat u.
•U reply,all excited.
•U'l want 2 hook up.
•U set a date.
•U dress up dat Legging Wit No underwear.
•smell gud.
•U put on a make up - fresh breath & new weave.
•He takes u 4 lunch @ Hotel Africana.
•He Takes u 4 Drinks At Nandos.
•U 2 av a gud time.
•He rubs ur hand,
•Makes u laugh,
•Gives u luks & smiles.
•U fall in luv.
•It's lyk u've known him 4eva.
•He takes u to his apartment.
•He makes u feel comfortable & lays u on his bed.
•Kiss u passionately.
•U luv his aggression, strength, power & you give in.
•It feels gud.
•U know it's wrong ,but it feels gud.
•U ask 4 protection,he says it's too late.
•U obey & don't disturb.
•He says he luvs u & u don't hesitate to say u luv him too.
•after, he goes 2 d kitchen to get a glass of h20.
•He helps u drink it,ohh man.
•U feel special.
•"He must be the 1 u think 2 urself.
•U'll get dressed.
•He takes u 2 d taxi park.
•He kisses u on d cheeck & says
•"I had a great time,"
•Gives u #100,000. •U smile & say.
•"See u 2moro babe."
• He stays silent.
•Ur taxi drives away,
•In d taxi u can't stop smiling.
•U get home & inbox him that u got home safe.
•He is online,but doesn't reply.
•It's unlike him,so u inbox him again.
•He doesn't respond.
•Minutes later u can't find him on ur friend list.
•HE BLOCKED YOU.
•Days,weeks,months passes by.
•U start feeling sick,weak,loose weight,act strange with sores in ur
mouth.
•U go 2 d clinic.
•Get tested.
•Minutes later,
•Nurse walks in."I'm sorry. You're HIV Positive & Pregnant !
•".HOW ?"
•U don't understand.
•Reality hits u.
•U walk home.
•Scared.
•Confused.
•U go 2 d taxi Park.
•U lay,hopeless,emotionless.
•U see death coming nearer.
•U look in2 d sky & mumble a prayer.
That's the end of u.
Don't be that girl !Live well. Stop Chasing Material Things
Be A Girl You Want Your Daughter To Be! Appreciate a good guy who wants to make you happy even without having much & Live a life DAT counts for
ETERNITY.
Be Wise
•U check his dp.
•He Drives A Range Rover Sport 2015.
.He is handsome.
•he chat u.
•U reply,all excited.
•U'l want 2 hook up.
•U set a date.
•U dress up dat Legging Wit No underwear.
•smell gud.
•U put on a make up - fresh breath & new weave.
•He takes u 4 lunch @ Hotel Africana.
•He Takes u 4 Drinks At Nandos.
•U 2 av a gud time.
•He rubs ur hand,
•Makes u laugh,
•Gives u luks & smiles.
•U fall in luv.
•It's lyk u've known him 4eva.
•He takes u to his apartment.
•He makes u feel comfortable & lays u on his bed.
•Kiss u passionately.
•U luv his aggression, strength, power & you give in.
•It feels gud.
•U know it's wrong ,but it feels gud.
•U ask 4 protection,he says it's too late.
•U obey & don't disturb.
•He says he luvs u & u don't hesitate to say u luv him too.
•after, he goes 2 d kitchen to get a glass of h20.
•He helps u drink it,ohh man.
•U feel special.
•"He must be the 1 u think 2 urself.
•U'll get dressed.
•He takes u 2 d taxi park.
•He kisses u on d cheeck & says
•"I had a great time,"
•Gives u #100,000. •U smile & say.
•"See u 2moro babe."
• He stays silent.
•Ur taxi drives away,
•In d taxi u can't stop smiling.
•U get home & inbox him that u got home safe.
•He is online,but doesn't reply.
•It's unlike him,so u inbox him again.
•He doesn't respond.
•Minutes later u can't find him on ur friend list.
•HE BLOCKED YOU.
•Days,weeks,months passes by.
•U start feeling sick,weak,loose weight,act strange with sores in ur
mouth.
•U go 2 d clinic.
•Get tested.
•Minutes later,
•Nurse walks in."I'm sorry. You're HIV Positive & Pregnant !
•".HOW ?"
•U don't understand.
•Reality hits u.
•U walk home.
•Scared.
•Confused.
•U go 2 d taxi Park.
•U lay,hopeless,emotionless.
•U see death coming nearer.
•U look in2 d sky & mumble a prayer.
That's the end of u.
Don't be that girl !Live well. Stop Chasing Material Things
Be A Girl You Want Your Daughter To Be! Appreciate a good guy who wants to make you happy even without having much & Live a life DAT counts for
ETERNITY.
Be Wise