CONSEQUENCE OF SLEEPING IN CHURCH
Saturday, July 23, 2016
Drunkmens
Who among these 3 drunkards is more
drunk?
xxxxxxxxxx😄😀xxxxx.
*1..after drinking he* *went inside the hotel's** *rest room to urinate and on entering**the* *toilet*, he* *saw the reflection of* *himself on the mirror* *and shouted* *"Oh,*
*sorry, somebody is*
*even here".*
*OR*
*2..After drinking, he got up and started searching for his phone all around. He puts on the phones' torch light* *(the one*
*he is looking for) to enable him look for the phone and in the* *process the same phone rang, he picked* *up and answered* *"please call me back,* *I'm looking for my*
*phone "* good evening all
*OR*
*3. After drinking, he entered his car and drove off, on*
*getting to the major road, he saw Dangote's trailer that has been there for three years, he quietly went and park behind the trailer, after three hours, he started shouting*
*"what kind of Go slow is this sef!"...thinking he was in a traffic jam.* 😜😜😜😜😜.
drunk?
xxxxxxxxxx😄😀xxxxx.
*1..after drinking he* *went inside the hotel's** *rest room to urinate and on entering**the* *toilet*, he* *saw the reflection of* *himself on the mirror* *and shouted* *"Oh,*
*sorry, somebody is*
*even here".*
*OR*
*2..After drinking, he got up and started searching for his phone all around. He puts on the phones' torch light* *(the one*
*he is looking for) to enable him look for the phone and in the* *process the same phone rang, he picked* *up and answered* *"please call me back,* *I'm looking for my*
*phone "* good evening all
*OR*
*3. After drinking, he entered his car and drove off, on*
*getting to the major road, he saw Dangote's trailer that has been there for three years, he quietly went and park behind the trailer, after three hours, he started shouting*
*"what kind of Go slow is this sef!"...thinking he was in a traffic jam.* 😜😜😜😜😜.
Madness
A pilot was told to transfer mad people from a city to another city. He agreed and carried them in his plane.
Every place was so noisy.
During the flight, one of the mad men approached the pilot and said "pls can you teach me how to fly the aeroplane"?
The pilot replied, I will teach you how to fly if you will tell your friends to stop making noise (knowing that he can't do it).
The mad man went back to the cabin. After some minutes, every where was silent as if an angel entered the plane.
The mad man came back and told the pilot that everywhere was cool now.
The pilot became happy and asked "what did you do to them that made them to keep calm."
The mad man replied, "I opened the door for them to go and play outside."
The pilot fainted.
😃😄😄 Laugh it off
Every place was so noisy.
During the flight, one of the mad men approached the pilot and said "pls can you teach me how to fly the aeroplane"?
The pilot replied, I will teach you how to fly if you will tell your friends to stop making noise (knowing that he can't do it).
The mad man went back to the cabin. After some minutes, every where was silent as if an angel entered the plane.
The mad man came back and told the pilot that everywhere was cool now.
The pilot became happy and asked "what did you do to them that made them to keep calm."
The mad man replied, "I opened the door for them to go and play outside."
The pilot fainted.
😃😄😄 Laugh it off
20 funny truths
1) When a guy open a car door for a girl,
is either the girl is new or the car is new.
(2) A guy asked u for sex and u asked,
"Do u Love me?". What do u expect him
to say, or Are U a LEARNER ?
(3) Half naked girls are hot,while well
dressed girls are beautiful. Hell is hot,
while heaven is beautiful. the choice is
yours.
(4)You have been engaged to him for 4
years and no wedding is forth coming.
Please kindly remove the ring. Is your
finger a key holder?
(5)You have slept with over 10 girls
without protection yet you go to the
barbers shop with your personal clipper.
What are you preventing?
(6) Guys always know who their heart
belongs to, so if you like cook chicken in
diamond sauce or do monkey style in
bed, if it's not you, it can't b u.
(7) In America wen a couple go to bed
dey say "Good nights my love" In Britain
"Sweet dreams darling" In Nigeria "Did u
lock d Gate, doors & windows?
(8) You cannot say "I can't date you, I
have a boyfriend" and be asking for
money from him. Gt-bank staff cannot
receive salary from UBA bank!
(9) My name is A'square, I used my friend
to set up my girlfriend to see if she'll
cheat on me. Now they've sent me
weeding Invitation. What AM I?
(A) Learner
(B)God sent
(C) Fool
(10) No Guy will ever tell a Lady "i ve a
Girlfriend" when asking her out. Their
National Anthem is "we had issues &
we've broken up".
(11) Welcome to Nigeria where the
government is responsible and blamed for
every damn things. if mosquito bite you,
you will blame the government.
(12) No guy is single,you either snatch
him from someone or share him with
someone, the most important thing is to
be the highest Shareholder.
(13) I woke up today,someone
somewhere just took their last breath.
Thank You God for blessing me more than
I deserve
(14) 35yr old first class graduate without
job and u dey follow Lil'Wayne sing 'I
Ain't Got no worries, your life is on SOS
(15) Idiot girl said: "I dated him for
GOOD 10 years and he broke my heart"
fool, what's GOOD in the years?
(16)(a)
Sex won't make him love u
(b) A baby won't make him stay. If you're
doubting me, kindly ask TUFACE
(17) No matter how nice you are to a
goat, it will still eat your yam.
18) You make his 'Dick' hard, u carry him
enter room, he don off shirt, then u shout
April Fool... My sister, he will RAPE ur
Destiny!
(19)What shall it profit a girl to have all
the Brazilian hair in the whole world and
still lose her boyfriend to a girl on low a
cut?
(20) Kill an American citizen and 1 million
policemen will be deployed to search for
u but kill 1 million Nigerians U will be
invited for amnesty
(21)Don't act like you have it all, even
rich men beg for pen in the bank.
(22) No matter how big ur house is,How
recent your car is,or how huge ur bank
account is, Our grave is still gonna be the
same size, stay humble.
(23)No Matter How Pretty Or Cute your
Face Might Be,you Will Still Be the Food
For Worms. Set your Arrogance Aside and
Remember 6 Feet. No one lives for Ever....
is either the girl is new or the car is new.
(2) A guy asked u for sex and u asked,
"Do u Love me?". What do u expect him
to say, or Are U a LEARNER ?
(3) Half naked girls are hot,while well
dressed girls are beautiful. Hell is hot,
while heaven is beautiful. the choice is
yours.
(4)You have been engaged to him for 4
years and no wedding is forth coming.
Please kindly remove the ring. Is your
finger a key holder?
(5)You have slept with over 10 girls
without protection yet you go to the
barbers shop with your personal clipper.
What are you preventing?
(6) Guys always know who their heart
belongs to, so if you like cook chicken in
diamond sauce or do monkey style in
bed, if it's not you, it can't b u.
(7) In America wen a couple go to bed
dey say "Good nights my love" In Britain
"Sweet dreams darling" In Nigeria "Did u
lock d Gate, doors & windows?
(8) You cannot say "I can't date you, I
have a boyfriend" and be asking for
money from him. Gt-bank staff cannot
receive salary from UBA bank!
(9) My name is A'square, I used my friend
to set up my girlfriend to see if she'll
cheat on me. Now they've sent me
weeding Invitation. What AM I?
(A) Learner
(B)God sent
(C) Fool
(10) No Guy will ever tell a Lady "i ve a
Girlfriend" when asking her out. Their
National Anthem is "we had issues &
we've broken up".
(11) Welcome to Nigeria where the
government is responsible and blamed for
every damn things. if mosquito bite you,
you will blame the government.
(12) No guy is single,you either snatch
him from someone or share him with
someone, the most important thing is to
be the highest Shareholder.
(13) I woke up today,someone
somewhere just took their last breath.
Thank You God for blessing me more than
I deserve
(14) 35yr old first class graduate without
job and u dey follow Lil'Wayne sing 'I
Ain't Got no worries, your life is on SOS
(15) Idiot girl said: "I dated him for
GOOD 10 years and he broke my heart"
fool, what's GOOD in the years?
(16)(a)
Sex won't make him love u
(b) A baby won't make him stay. If you're
doubting me, kindly ask TUFACE
(17) No matter how nice you are to a
goat, it will still eat your yam.
18) You make his 'Dick' hard, u carry him
enter room, he don off shirt, then u shout
April Fool... My sister, he will RAPE ur
Destiny!
(19)What shall it profit a girl to have all
the Brazilian hair in the whole world and
still lose her boyfriend to a girl on low a
cut?
(20) Kill an American citizen and 1 million
policemen will be deployed to search for
u but kill 1 million Nigerians U will be
invited for amnesty
(21)Don't act like you have it all, even
rich men beg for pen in the bank.
(22) No matter how big ur house is,How
recent your car is,or how huge ur bank
account is, Our grave is still gonna be the
same size, stay humble.
(23)No Matter How Pretty Or Cute your
Face Might Be,you Will Still Be the Food
For Worms. Set your Arrogance Aside and
Remember 6 Feet. No one lives for Ever....
Fake soldiers
I slapped a soldier today ............and he ran away. That's how I knew he was fake.
Please let's join hands and expose the fake soldiers in town.
How?
By Slapping them!
Please let's join hands and expose the fake soldiers in town.
How?
By Slapping them!
Be Wise
U saw him in a whatsapp group
•U check his dp.
•He Drives A Range Rover Sport 2015.
.He is handsome.
•he chat u.
•U reply,all excited.
•U'l want 2 hook up.
•U set a date.
•U dress up dat Legging Wit No underwear.
•smell gud.
•U put on a make up - fresh breath & new weave.
•He takes u 4 lunch @ Hotel Africana.
•He Takes u 4 Drinks At Nandos.
•U 2 av a gud time.
•He rubs ur hand,
•Makes u laugh,
•Gives u luks & smiles.
•U fall in luv.
•It's lyk u've known him 4eva.
•He takes u to his apartment.
•He makes u feel comfortable & lays u on his bed.
•Kiss u passionately.
•U luv his aggression, strength, power & you give in.
•It feels gud.
•U know it's wrong ,but it feels gud.
•U ask 4 protection,he says it's too late.
•U obey & don't disturb.
•He says he luvs u & u don't hesitate to say u luv him too.
•after, he goes 2 d kitchen to get a glass of h20.
•He helps u drink it,ohh man.
•U feel special.
•"He must be the 1 u think 2 urself.
•U'll get dressed.
•He takes u 2 d taxi park.
•He kisses u on d cheeck & says
•"I had a great time,"
•Gives u #100,000. •U smile & say.
•"See u 2moro babe."
• He stays silent.
•Ur taxi drives away,
•In d taxi u can't stop smiling.
•U get home & inbox him that u got home safe.
•He is online,but doesn't reply.
•It's unlike him,so u inbox him again.
•He doesn't respond.
•Minutes later u can't find him on ur friend list.
•HE BLOCKED YOU.
•Days,weeks,months passes by.
•U start feeling sick,weak,loose weight,act strange with sores in ur
mouth.
•U go 2 d clinic.
•Get tested.
•Minutes later,
•Nurse walks in."I'm sorry. You're HIV Positive & Pregnant !
•".HOW ?"
•U don't understand.
•Reality hits u.
•U walk home.
•Scared.
•Confused.
•U go 2 d taxi Park.
•U lay,hopeless,emotionless.
•U see death coming nearer.
•U look in2 d sky & mumble a prayer.
That's the end of u.
Don't be that girl !Live well. Stop Chasing Material Things
Be A Girl You Want Your Daughter To Be! Appreciate a good guy who wants to make you happy even without having much & Live a life DAT counts for
ETERNITY.
Be Wise
•U check his dp.
•He Drives A Range Rover Sport 2015.
.He is handsome.
•he chat u.
•U reply,all excited.
•U'l want 2 hook up.
•U set a date.
•U dress up dat Legging Wit No underwear.
•smell gud.
•U put on a make up - fresh breath & new weave.
•He takes u 4 lunch @ Hotel Africana.
•He Takes u 4 Drinks At Nandos.
•U 2 av a gud time.
•He rubs ur hand,
•Makes u laugh,
•Gives u luks & smiles.
•U fall in luv.
•It's lyk u've known him 4eva.
•He takes u to his apartment.
•He makes u feel comfortable & lays u on his bed.
•Kiss u passionately.
•U luv his aggression, strength, power & you give in.
•It feels gud.
•U know it's wrong ,but it feels gud.
•U ask 4 protection,he says it's too late.
•U obey & don't disturb.
•He says he luvs u & u don't hesitate to say u luv him too.
•after, he goes 2 d kitchen to get a glass of h20.
•He helps u drink it,ohh man.
•U feel special.
•"He must be the 1 u think 2 urself.
•U'll get dressed.
•He takes u 2 d taxi park.
•He kisses u on d cheeck & says
•"I had a great time,"
•Gives u #100,000. •U smile & say.
•"See u 2moro babe."
• He stays silent.
•Ur taxi drives away,
•In d taxi u can't stop smiling.
•U get home & inbox him that u got home safe.
•He is online,but doesn't reply.
•It's unlike him,so u inbox him again.
•He doesn't respond.
•Minutes later u can't find him on ur friend list.
•HE BLOCKED YOU.
•Days,weeks,months passes by.
•U start feeling sick,weak,loose weight,act strange with sores in ur
mouth.
•U go 2 d clinic.
•Get tested.
•Minutes later,
•Nurse walks in."I'm sorry. You're HIV Positive & Pregnant !
•".HOW ?"
•U don't understand.
•Reality hits u.
•U walk home.
•Scared.
•Confused.
•U go 2 d taxi Park.
•U lay,hopeless,emotionless.
•U see death coming nearer.
•U look in2 d sky & mumble a prayer.
That's the end of u.
Don't be that girl !Live well. Stop Chasing Material Things
Be A Girl You Want Your Daughter To Be! Appreciate a good guy who wants to make you happy even without having much & Live a life DAT counts for
ETERNITY.
Be Wise
Sunday, June 26, 2016
40 Funny Wise Say
The 40 Funny Wise Say:
1. Any man who successfully convinces a
monkey that honey is sweeter than banana, is
capable of selling condoms to a Roman father.
2. Dear ladies, If your boyfriend didn't wish you a
happy mother's day or sing sweet mother for you,
you should stop breastfeeding him.
3. He who swallows a complete coconut have
absolute trust in his anus.
4. Dear sisters, don't be deceived by a man who
text you "I miss you" only when it's raining,
because you are not an umbrella.
5. Swimming pool is more useful than Liverpool.
6. If over 15 guys have sucked your breasts, you
don't need to call those things "your breasts",
It's called COW BELL, OUR MILK! - Repeat after
me, OUR MILK!
7. It's hard to bewitch African girls these days.
Every time you take a piece from her hair to the
witch doctor, either a Brazilian innocent woman
gets mad or a factory in China catches fire.
8. All I hear always is, 'No sex before marriage?'
If that was God's plan, then you would receive
your penis or vagina on your wedding day.
9. The only warning Africans take serious is LOW
BATTERY.
10. Men sucking lady's breast is normal because
the act was learnt in childhood when they were
young but the act of lady's sucking men's d*ck
is what baffles me, where did they learn it from?
11. Whenever things seem to start going well in
your life, the Devil comes along and gives you a
'girlfriend'.
12. When your clothes are made of cassava
leaves, you don't take a goat as a friend.
13. If you have attended over 100 weddings in
your life and still single, you are not different
from a Canopy.
14. Dating a slim/slender guy is cool. The
problem is when you are lying on his chest then
his ribs draw adidas lines on your face.
15. If you are ugly, you are ugly. Stop talking
about inner beauty because men don't walk
around with X-rays to see inner beauty.
16. Respect pregnant women because it's not
easy walking around with evidence that you've
had sex.
17. Some of the girls of today can't even jog for
5 minutes but they expect a guy to last in bed
with you for 2 hours? Your level of selfishness
demands a one week crusade.
18. I stopped trusting ladies when my class 3
girlfriend left me for another boy all because he
bought a sharpener wid a mirror.
19. Nothing makes a woman more confused than
being in a relationship with a "broke" man who's
extremely good in bed.
20. Witchcraft is when a 24 year old girl who
cannot jog for 5 minutes expects a 40 year old
man to last for 1 hour in bed.
21. Being dumped by a dark-skinned girl is the
worst thing ever; because anytime you get home
and see charcoal, you become emotional.
22. Women with beauty and no brains, it is your
private parts will suffer the most.
23. When one's goat gets missing, the aroma of
a neighbour's soup gets suspicious.
24. Its better for a man to be stingy with his
money because he hustled for it than a woman
to deny you a hole she didn't drill.
25. Even Satan wasn't gay, he approached naked
Eve instead of naked Adam. Say no to same-sex
marriage.
26. If you are a married man and you find
yourself attracted to school girls, just buy your
wife a school uniform.
27. It is every man's dream to remove a
woman's pant one day but NOT when it's on a
drying line.
28. Virginity is the best wedding gift any man
would receive from his newly wed wife but
lately, there's nothing as such any-longer
because it'll have already been given out as a
Birthday gift, token of Appreciation, Job
assurance, Church collection, Examination
marking schemes & for Lorry fares!"
29. Treat every part of your towel nicely because
the part that wipes your buttocks today will wipe
your face tomorrow.
30. We are living in a generation where people
“in love” are free to touch each others’ private
parts but cannot touch each others’ phones
because they’re private.”
31. Sometimes you look back at girls you spent
money on rather than send it to your mum and
you realise witchcraft is real.
32. If President Barack Obama wants me to
allow marriage for same-sex couples in my
country (Zimbabwe), he must come here so that
I marry him first.
33. South Africans will kick down a statue of a
dead white man but won’t even attempt to slap
a live one. Yet they can stone to death a black
man simply because he’s a foreigner.
34. What is the problem? We now have
aeroplanes which can take them back quicker
than the ships used by their ancestors.
35. Mr Bush, Mr. Blair and now Mr Brown's
sense of human rights precludes our people's
right to their God-given resources, which in their
view must be controlled by their kith and kin. I
am termed dictator because I have rejected this
supremacist view and frustrated the neo-
colonialists.
36. Cigarette is a pinch of tobacco rolled in a
piece of paper with fire on one end and a fool on
the other end.
37. A brave man is he who has a running
stomach and still wants to flatulate.
38. Journalist: Sir don't you think 89 years would
be a great time to retire as a President.
Mugabe: Have you ever asked the Queen this
question or is it just for African leaders?
39. Interviewer: Mr President, when are you
bidding the people of Zimbabwe farewell?
Robert: Where are they going?
40. My dear ladies, please don't buy a selfie stick
when your armpit itself needs a shaving stick.
1. Any man who successfully convinces a
monkey that honey is sweeter than banana, is
capable of selling condoms to a Roman father.
2. Dear ladies, If your boyfriend didn't wish you a
happy mother's day or sing sweet mother for you,
you should stop breastfeeding him.
3. He who swallows a complete coconut have
absolute trust in his anus.
4. Dear sisters, don't be deceived by a man who
text you "I miss you" only when it's raining,
because you are not an umbrella.
5. Swimming pool is more useful than Liverpool.
6. If over 15 guys have sucked your breasts, you
don't need to call those things "your breasts",
It's called COW BELL, OUR MILK! - Repeat after
me, OUR MILK!
7. It's hard to bewitch African girls these days.
Every time you take a piece from her hair to the
witch doctor, either a Brazilian innocent woman
gets mad or a factory in China catches fire.
8. All I hear always is, 'No sex before marriage?'
If that was God's plan, then you would receive
your penis or vagina on your wedding day.
9. The only warning Africans take serious is LOW
BATTERY.
10. Men sucking lady's breast is normal because
the act was learnt in childhood when they were
young but the act of lady's sucking men's d*ck
is what baffles me, where did they learn it from?
11. Whenever things seem to start going well in
your life, the Devil comes along and gives you a
'girlfriend'.
12. When your clothes are made of cassava
leaves, you don't take a goat as a friend.
13. If you have attended over 100 weddings in
your life and still single, you are not different
from a Canopy.
14. Dating a slim/slender guy is cool. The
problem is when you are lying on his chest then
his ribs draw adidas lines on your face.
15. If you are ugly, you are ugly. Stop talking
about inner beauty because men don't walk
around with X-rays to see inner beauty.
16. Respect pregnant women because it's not
easy walking around with evidence that you've
had sex.
17. Some of the girls of today can't even jog for
5 minutes but they expect a guy to last in bed
with you for 2 hours? Your level of selfishness
demands a one week crusade.
18. I stopped trusting ladies when my class 3
girlfriend left me for another boy all because he
bought a sharpener wid a mirror.
19. Nothing makes a woman more confused than
being in a relationship with a "broke" man who's
extremely good in bed.
20. Witchcraft is when a 24 year old girl who
cannot jog for 5 minutes expects a 40 year old
man to last for 1 hour in bed.
21. Being dumped by a dark-skinned girl is the
worst thing ever; because anytime you get home
and see charcoal, you become emotional.
22. Women with beauty and no brains, it is your
private parts will suffer the most.
23. When one's goat gets missing, the aroma of
a neighbour's soup gets suspicious.
24. Its better for a man to be stingy with his
money because he hustled for it than a woman
to deny you a hole she didn't drill.
25. Even Satan wasn't gay, he approached naked
Eve instead of naked Adam. Say no to same-sex
marriage.
26. If you are a married man and you find
yourself attracted to school girls, just buy your
wife a school uniform.
27. It is every man's dream to remove a
woman's pant one day but NOT when it's on a
drying line.
28. Virginity is the best wedding gift any man
would receive from his newly wed wife but
lately, there's nothing as such any-longer
because it'll have already been given out as a
Birthday gift, token of Appreciation, Job
assurance, Church collection, Examination
marking schemes & for Lorry fares!"
29. Treat every part of your towel nicely because
the part that wipes your buttocks today will wipe
your face tomorrow.
30. We are living in a generation where people
“in love” are free to touch each others’ private
parts but cannot touch each others’ phones
because they’re private.”
31. Sometimes you look back at girls you spent
money on rather than send it to your mum and
you realise witchcraft is real.
32. If President Barack Obama wants me to
allow marriage for same-sex couples in my
country (Zimbabwe), he must come here so that
I marry him first.
33. South Africans will kick down a statue of a
dead white man but won’t even attempt to slap
a live one. Yet they can stone to death a black
man simply because he’s a foreigner.
34. What is the problem? We now have
aeroplanes which can take them back quicker
than the ships used by their ancestors.
35. Mr Bush, Mr. Blair and now Mr Brown's
sense of human rights precludes our people's
right to their God-given resources, which in their
view must be controlled by their kith and kin. I
am termed dictator because I have rejected this
supremacist view and frustrated the neo-
colonialists.
36. Cigarette is a pinch of tobacco rolled in a
piece of paper with fire on one end and a fool on
the other end.
37. A brave man is he who has a running
stomach and still wants to flatulate.
38. Journalist: Sir don't you think 89 years would
be a great time to retire as a President.
Mugabe: Have you ever asked the Queen this
question or is it just for African leaders?
39. Interviewer: Mr President, when are you
bidding the people of Zimbabwe farewell?
Robert: Where are they going?
40. My dear ladies, please don't buy a selfie stick
when your armpit itself needs a shaving stick.